


Past, present and future

by DreamingOf4A



Series: The bitter side of bittersweet [2]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Gen, Lack of Communication, M/M, Memories, Mention of possible suicidal thoughts, Misunderstandings, Rivalry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 12:45:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14832519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamingOf4A/pseuds/DreamingOf4A
Summary: They’d always been rink mates more than friends.But since they were now only occasional rink mates, where did that leave them?





	Past, present and future

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, I said I didn't plan a sequel to Sayonara, but for a while now, I'd been itching to write a Javi POV in the same universe.
> 
> I've re-written it several times. I'm still not sure this is what I had in mind when the idea first came, but I quite like this. It's not as angsty as the Yuzuru one, unless you read from the perspective of that. It's also a bit abrupt in parts, but since it reflects free thinking and Javi doesn't strike me as an overthinker most of the time, I think it works.
> 
> I am however aware that it might not be the sequel some might have hoped for, or might imagine, so please keep in mind, that the stories can be read separately.
> 
> Also a warning: there is a brief reference to Yuzuru's comment on the last day of Continues. I didn't go in great depth, because IMO, we still don't know 100% what he meant and I don't want to speculate one way or another. This is just Javi hearing the basic - and bviously not very clear - version and what it makes him think about.

_Disclaimer: This story is fiction and does not in any way reflect on the real life people that share their names with these characters. It is also not intended to offend or disrespect and it exists simply because I find it really interesting to imagine how other people - potentially - live their lives._

Olympic Bronze Medalist, Javier Fernandez.

Javi would be lying if he said he didn’t like the sound of it.

He’d been hearing it every other night for a couple of weeks now, as his introduction for Stars on Ice.

The ice show season was in full swing and he was having a blast.

The only thing that was weird was hearing other skaters talk about programs next season and Grand Prix assignments and knowing he didn’t really need to worry about that until December or so. Or maybe not even then.

He’d started skating for fun. He’d been quick to fall in love with skating. He’d also been quick to lose interest when there were other, more fun things around.

He’d still somehow made it to the senior circuit, through the great sacrifices of his parents that he’d only been able to appreciate years later.

And then he’d been noticed by Nikolai.

He still had such mixed feelings about that. On one side he hated what the man had done to him in the years he was his coach. But on the other, he knew that chances of him having ever gotten where he did, without Nikolai were virtually 0.

On his bad days, he hated that he had to be grateful to the man. On his bad days, he called a lot of Nikolai’s methods of coaching “abuse”. And he wondered why no one had ever accused the man of that.

But he’d gotten away.

The thing with Miki had been baffling. He’d only learned the true reason of Nikolai dumping him years later. The man had hinted at stuff, but Javi had been so desperate to leave by then that he’d jumped at the opportunity. He’d never had imagined that a world champion had gotten the hots for him, especially over their coach.

He honestly believed that Miki herself had been desperate to leave and had just used him as an excuse. But she’d never admitted it.

He remembered the days after leaving Nikolai, believing his career was over before it had even truly started. He remembered the despair, the panic attacks, his parents trying to help but not knowing how.

And then the miraculous phone call from the federation, announcing that Brian Orser had agreed to coach him.

Brian Orser, Olympic Medalist and coach of an Olympic Champion, had agreed to coach a nobody like him.

It would, again, be years before Brian would tell him he had noticed his talent even while he was with Nikolai. That he’d believed Javi was better than Adam even then.

They had butted heads badly.

Javi had to smile remembering that. He and Brian had been at each other’s throats in the first weeks. It had taken a first competition for Javi to really understand Brian did know what he was doing.

Looking back, he now realized that the coaching methods had been so different and Brian, by comparison, had had less coaching experience, so Javi hadn’t trusted his methods.

Once he started believing, Brian took him to heights he’d never imagined existed.

Two times World Champion.

Six times European Champion.

Seven times Spanish Champion.

And Olympic Bronze Medalist.

Of course, it wasn’t just Brian. Tracy, David and the whole team, they all played essential roles in his success and he would be eternally grateful to all of them for believing in him when no one else - not even himself - had.

And then of course, there was him.

Yuzuru Hanyu.

His teammate, his rival, his brother in arms.

And the one who overshadowed Javi to no end.

It didn’t bother him all the time. Yuzuru overshadowed everyone.

However, sometimes he did wish he had never said yes that day in April, 2012.

He knew that he probably would not have achieved all those titles had he said no, but sometimes being in Yuzuru’s shadow was just that annoying.

That said, hating Yuzuru was nearly impossible.

Although he was a stubborn, competitive ass at times, Yuzuru was essentially a good person. In a way they don’t really make them anymore. He was so good he could be annoying at times.

In fact, Patrick had once confessed, in the drunken aftermath of a dinner, that the main reason why he hated Yuzuru was because the younger was such a good guy. So good he was infuriating. Too good to be true, maybe. And that made him a Golden Boy who could do no wrong. Patrick had despised that. But eventually, even he’d come to appreciate Yuzuru.

Javi had never felt the need to defend his teammate in front of Patrick. Although he himself was fine with Yuzuru’s good side, he could see why others could find it annoying.

The part Javi had had issues with was a different one.

Yuzuru’s competitive, intense side.

Initially he’d been a bit shocked by it. It was weird to him how such a dorky kid could get so intense, so suddenly.

Then, he’d been fascinated by it. Amazed by Yuzuru’s ability to shift gears and FOCUS.

And then… then he’d hated it with a passion.

It was that side that had destroyed their friendship. That side that had prevented Yuzuru from staying friends even after Javi had beaten him, for the second time.

Boston had been the end.

His second title had been overshadowed by his teammate’s inability to be happy for him. And then by his injury. And his drama.

A part of Javi wasn’t sure he would ever forgive Yuzuru for that. Not that the two times Olympic champion had ever apologized.

He wasn’t sure he could forgive the Summer that followed either.

Javi had done numerous shows in Japan as the reigning world champion. And yet the star of the show had remained Yuzuru, who hadn’t even been there.

Luckily, their relationship had gotten a bit better and they’d been civil by the time of the Olympics.

However, Yuzuru’s reaction in the green room had really taken him by surprise.

It hadn’t been the first time, either. Helsinki had been confusing as hell, too.

When Yuzuru had put his gold medal around Javi’s neck, he’d been struck by violently conflicting feelings. On one side, he’d been incredibly touched. On the other, he’d wanted to shove the newly crowned champion away and shout “Are you fucking kidding me?!” in his face.

Of course, he’d clamped hard on the latter. Being openly mean to Yuzuru was career suicide.

In Pyeongchang, he’d only been confused. Touched, but mostly confused.

Of course, he’d held Yuzuru as he’d cried. How could he not? Despite everything, Yuzuru was still a precious member of his skating family.

“I can’t do it without you” had hit him like a punch in the stomach. He’d wanted to grab Yuzuru’s shoulders, shake him and ask just what he meant by that. Of course, he hadn’t done that either.

And they’d never spoken about it.

They’d both been busy with press and Javi had gone to Spain and then he’d forgotten about Yuzu and focused on his own stuff. Then he’d returned to Korea and Yuzuru had been a completely different person.

It had once again made him wonder if Yuzuru was secretly bipolar, because the switches were spectacular.

After leaving Korea, he’d pushed away thoughts of his teammate. The gala had been nice and the moment he and Yuzu had held hands had been particularly sweet. He wouldn’t be able to say why, but it had been sweet. Had felt special.

But then it’d been back to his new regular life, one in which Yuzuru was only an occasional presence.

He’d regretted not being able to go to Yuzuru’s ice show, but his work in Spain had been more important. Yuzuru had understood and in the end they’d worked out that broadcast from Spain.

Javi still wasn’t sure what had led him to make such a sacrifice. He knew he wouldn’t have done it for anyone else.

Seeing Yuzuru smiling and waving cutely and calling his name in that voice had been… an amazing birthday present, actually. He hadn’t been able to not smile as well. Yuzuru’s entire behavior during that broadcast had been beyond precious and it had put Javi in a fantastic mood for the whole day.

The day after, however, Laura had asked him if he’d known. About Yuzuru apparently having been suicidal.

It’d been a shock. Although nobody knew exactly what Yuzuru had meant by that comment, Javi had been shocked.

Not so much about the comment as by the realization that he’d spent six years close to a man that he actually knew very little about.

He realized he only knew what Yuzuru had allowed him to know. That the young man had kept so much to himself.

Javi knew, vaguely, that the earthquake had been traumatizing for Yuzuru.That moving to Canada had been a big and difficult decision and that Yuzuru had struggled to adapt. He knew his asthma wasn’t fully under control and could strike him down at any moment. He knew the post-Olympic year had been difficult and painful. That the next one had been a combination of frustration and pride, ecstasy and fear. That Boston had been one of Yuzuru’s lowest points and recovering from it had been another painful journey, full of despair and frustration. That it had all repeated before Pyeongchang.

But he knew all of that only very vaguely. From hearsay and his own observations.

He remembered seeing Yuzuru fall over and over and over and over and over again while working on his quad loop and again with the lutz.

He’d actually grown annoyed by the display, unable to understand why Yuzuru continued hurting himself like that.

He realized he’d never asked him.

He realized he’d never really tried to understand Yuzuru.

He realized he’d been happy to have fun with dorky Yuzu and delight in his cuteness and admire his skating.

He’d also been happy to despise him and get annoyed when Yuzuru pushed him away and acted in ways that he couldn’t understand.

He’d also been happy to shrug it off and ignore it when Yuzuru was confusing. Like when he’d sobbed in Javi’s arms even before his second Olympic Gold had been confirmed.

He’d actually watched the videos numerous times since that conversation with Laura. Trying to understand something - anything - he hadn’t been able to understand at the time.

No epiphany.

He’d seen Yuzuru again in Toronto, but only briefly. Yuzuru had been taken aback by Javi being there and Javi had felt annoyed at that reaction.

As if Javi didn’t belong at the Cricket Club anymore.

After that, however, Yuzuru had been his usual friendly self. Only more distant. He’d run off to get ready for his rehab session and, on the ice, he’d avoided Javi at all costs.

It had bugged Javi a lot, especially since two months of shows together were going to follow.

He decided that this time he was going to talk to Yuzuru.

About where exactly they stood.

They’d always been rink mates more than friends.

But since they were now only occasional rink mates, where did that leave them?

Javi decided that he and Yuzu would figure it all out, together, in Japan.

One way or another.

**Author's Note:**

> I already have an idea for another very angsty story in the same Universe... another Yuzu POV, born out of this and other thoughts, but I should probably finish Farewell, first... ^_^; (Then again that might come as a relief after all this angst).
> 
> Also as a heads up. I don't see how this universe can ever have a "Javi suddenly realizes he's actually been in love with Yuzu all along!" happy ending. It'd be very OOC for this universe, I think. So, don't hold your breath for such a happy ending.
> 
> What I am hoping it will get to is a happy ending where they talk things out and end up more aware of each other and where Yuzu comes to truly appreciate and accept Yuzuru, maybe even his feelings, even if he might not necessarily return them. Or not in the same way.
> 
> Whether they'll cooperate or not, it remains to be seen, though ^_^;


End file.
